Saturday 6 August 2011

So Long And Thanks For All the Sunflower Seeds.

Hello hamster-readers. This is Maza. I got an email from Monty some minutes ago! I am copy-pasting it below in its entirety. I am so excited by reading Monty's news. And I can't wait for Joshua!


From: Monty (monty@rainbowbridge.com)
To: Maza the fat princess (maza@hamsteropolis.blogspot.com)
Cc: Nick@hamsteropolis.blogspot.com
Subject: So long and thanks for the the sunflower seeds

Dear Maza,

I am sorry for my unexpected departure but it was not something I had planned. The last couple of days I was feeling ill. You may have noticed that I wasn't drinking enough water, I was walking rather sluggishly, and I wasn't grooming myself as much as I used to. Nick definitely noticed it. He tried to make me feel better, but my condition was more serious than he thought.

The last day I spent in my cage, next to you, was the worst. I was constipated and couldn't... *ahem*.. poop! Nick tried to make me drink water (with vitamins) from a syringe because I was dehydrated. He said that it would help my constipation problem as well. I was feeling so ill that I didn't want to drink water but he insisted. Later he tried to clean my 'bottom' and massage my belly with a warm towel.

When I was clean and had drunk my water, I felt very tired. Nick put me back in my cage. I curled in a corner and fell asleep. And that's when the weird things started happening.

I read in your previous post you wrote on MY blog (I am kidding, you are free to post anytime you wish), that the next morning I was lying there and I was not moving, and that Nick thought I had passed away! But that's not really what happened, is it? You did suspect something was amiss. Well, you were right.

The next morning, contrary to popular belief, I woke up, alright. But not in my cage! I woke up in a big grassy field. It was so beautiful and sunny. I normally don't like the sun, but this time it was fine. A large blue river was running through the field and a huge rainbow bridge was crossing it. Between me and the bridge were many kinds of animals, too many to count. And they were also separated in groups of varying sizes. I felt a strange desire to join one such group. And what a weird group it was.

For starters there were at least 2 dogs, 5 cats, 2 turtles, a duck, some canaries and one little parrot. Yes, you read that right, a parrot. When those animals saw me approaching, they greeted me. They were friendly, even the cats. I hate cats, you know that. The introduced themselves to me. Oh my god, you should listen to their names. Their names were so stupid and funny that I was barely able to keep a straight faced. The duck was called Pipinos (lol). The dogs were called Irma and Azor (I might be wrong on that last one). The cats were confusing. One of the was called Pinky (she was black though). The others were all called Loulis. There was Loulis the first, Loulis 2, Loulis 3 and 4. They were like some sort of a bad movie series. Loulis 1 colours' were white and brown. Loulis 2 and 3 where gray with streaks of white and black. Loulis 4 was totally black. I can't remember the parrot's name (he was creepy), nor the turtles's.

I was a bit confused and Pippinos the duck explained everything to me.

This, he said, was a place called Rainbow Bridge. And all those animals I saw were pets, waiting for their 'special friend' from back 'home'. Until their special friend arrives, the pets enjoy the scenery, run around, eat their favorite meals, socialize and play. But some times, a pet would stop playing and stand still, as if something just clicked and made sense. Then he would turn around and would see his special friend in the distance. That pet would run towards his special friend and they would be reunited again at last. And they would cross the Rainbow Bridge together. There is some confusion as to which special friend a pet will follow when it had more than one special friend, but lets not delve into plot-holes.

It's very common for pets in Rainbow Bridge to socialize with other pets that had a common special friend. And all the pets in this group knew Nick. I was more special because I brought more recent news from Nick! By the way, OMG NICK, you weren't very talented in giving names to cats, were you? You named four cats Loulis?

Quite recently the management of Rainbow Bridge built an Internet Cafe. This is where I am writing this email from. Unfortunately this place is very busy. New pets arrive here all the time and everyone wants to sent an email back 'home'. As a newcomer, I have priority, but I doubt I will be able to sent another email anytime soon. I definitely will not be able to update the blog, so I leave that responsibility to you.

Anyway, let's move on to more serious stuff. I never had time to make a proper testament. Fact is I was not expecting to be moving on so quickly. So, all of my edible possessions, including but not limited to my hoard of peanuts, sunflower seeds and the frozen broccoli which I didn't manage to devour, I leave to you, Maza the fat princess. Please don't eat those all in one sitting!

My manor and all the furniture, the tubes, the bedding, both my hamster-balls, my two water-bottles and my favorite hamster-wheel, the curtains and everything shall be inherited by ... my son JOSHUA!!!!

(surprised? don't be!)

So, yeah, I found out about him. Maza, do you remember when you gave birth to 12 little hammies? Nick certainly does. They tried to find homes for all our babies and they almost did. Except for Joshua. They couldn't find a home for him, so as a last resort they gave him to a pet shop owner. Joshua was so cute that they believed someone would adopt him soon. Unfortunately, I have been told by an undisclosed person (well, pet in fact), that poor Joshua is still in that pet shop, homeless and motherless. My last wish is for him to move back home so he can be with his mother and Nick. I have been told he is well mannered and handsome. In fact he looks just like me and you, Maza. He has my long-haired fur and color, and your facial features and .. erm... shape!

Ok, now I am rumbling, and... wait, what is that? A GIANT HAMSTER-WHEEL??? Oh the joy! I have to go and run on that wheel. I can't resist.

I got to go Maza. I miss you all. Don't feel sad for me, it's wonderful here.

So long and thanks for all the sunflower seeds,

Monty the hamster

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